I Took A 5-Hour Energy

A complete random topic to restart a 1-year hiatus from blogging – I fucked around with a 5-hour energy and this is my experience with it.

There will be no depth to this post. I will try and keep it as short as humanly possible.

I bought this for $3 because I am lethargic as all fuck in the mornings and I’d like to see if this will get me “up.” And I listened to the “How I Built This” podcast where the creator of 5-hour energy turned it into a billion-dollar business, so I was curious about the product.

So I took the bottle about an hour ago at 0730.

The label says: “Take one half bottle for moderate energy. Take one whole bottle for maximum energy.”

What kind of idiot would only take half a bottle?

So to test out the bottle, I took my lethargic ass to go back to sleep after I chugged a full bottle (it tastes like really concentrated cough syrup by the way). About 5 minutes later, the caffeine irritated my stomach and I needed to go take a huge shit.

After said shit, I was awake. Then after working for about half an hour, I had to go take another shit.

It’s about an hour later and I think this product just forces me to get out of bed in the morning because of its ability to make me really want to go shit.

As far as feeling ~*~*MAXIMUM ENERGY*~*~ goes, this feels more like “this is the minimum amount of energy and concentration boost I need to not completely fall back to sleep.” This actually might be good if you don’t like feeling jittery and completely stimulated.

As a side note, 5-hour energy might have limited effect on me because of the following:
1) For my ketogenic diet, I take coffee each morning.
2) On top of that, I take BCAAs which has about 25mg of caffeine in it.
3) I found out my multivitamins are expired and so I take a pill of those a day before they go bad. These have copious amounts of Vitamin Bs as well, which are largely responsible for boosting your concentration.

In short, I’m a stimulant junkie, so your mileage may vary.


Is 5-hour energy healthy for you?
A:¬†I have no clue, but the label says there is 8333% of Vitamin B12 in the bottle. So common sense would indicate¬†fuck no it’s not good for you. But my philosophy on taking supplements in enhance your wokeness is for another post.


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